You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
