she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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