His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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