So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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