brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
