maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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