I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
