Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
