Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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