i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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