there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
