Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
