Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
