Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
