I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
