I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize