she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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