I wish I only lived at night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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