you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
