guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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