Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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