naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize