I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
