I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
