Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
