Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
