I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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