I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
