She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
