You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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