Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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