You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
