trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize