how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
