I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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