Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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