GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
