he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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