I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
