Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
