You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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