I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize