Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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