explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
