so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
