today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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