I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize