i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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