Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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