Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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