Just mADE A PArabola og urine
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
