she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
