come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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