i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
