last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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