well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
