what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
this just has baby written all over it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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