He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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