Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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