My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
