I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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