Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
