A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
