AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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