So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
