U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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