Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
