My first STD was from a foam party
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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